TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
