i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They have beer where we have blood.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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