how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
