The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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