Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i drank out of a bidet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
