He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
