the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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