we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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