we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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