I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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