I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
