What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
