Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
