i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
