Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
