the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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