I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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