I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
