it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
