Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
