just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
