You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize