i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
