My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
