Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
