I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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