I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
