Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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