While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize