He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
as a side note pls kill me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
