it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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