i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
