Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
