Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
