i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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