I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have aggressive nipples.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
