Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
