I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The ass gains better be worth it
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