we have officially lost it.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
