I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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