vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize