but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
