My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
