she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
