then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
