I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
