worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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