All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
