I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
