im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
