So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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