The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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