So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
