I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want to make out with him forever
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
