Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
