The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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