a search helicopter?!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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