So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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