when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
