I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
