in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize