I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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