But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
