i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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