don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
