My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
