Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize