just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's blow job season.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
