On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
