so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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