just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
