i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
