i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize