Umm I'm too high to move.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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