I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
